Reflections from a twisted mind to the world

Happy

2012-01-11T10:14:00.000-03:00

Today I'm feeling strangely happy, like a white veil finally covering my mind that brings light and peace to mi mind.
The feeling is quite unusual to me an I haven't felt this way in a really long time.
In any case, I would like to tank all the people that have come across my life and I remember at this moment, that one way or another brought joy to mi life (for privacy reasons I won't write down the complete names but their initials) ECS, NBR, CT, NM, MK, GB, JY, LV, AT, MG, DJBD, SA, AL.
Most of them should be able to recognise their initials, and would know I refer to them.
My most sincere thanks to all of them, for being there, one way or another, as my wife, my friend, or just a simple memory. You all mean something to me, and I will for ever be n debt with you for being who you are.

Changing the subject slightly, this new found feeling might be the result of my meditation session from last night, finally I resumed them.

In any case, I'm happy, sue me if this disturbs you.

Live long and prosper.... Peace and love fuckers!!

Test post

2011-01-18T10:10:00.001-03:00

This is a simple post to see how the fuck works an app i just fdownloaded for my device. We'll se.
Done.

Love - 1/2

2011-01-18T09:53:00.000-03:00

Do you remember your first love? that impossible love that you were never able to confess? that love that kept you up endless nights? you sure do, we all do, no matter how much time passes on.
How much time has passed since then?
Look at that love, and think of it, was it really love? or just a juvenile crush?
My story is something like this. Somewhere around seventeen years back, this girl started attending the school I went to, she wasn't the kind of girl that caught your attention, by far (for that age I mean, I'm not a fucking pedophile) One day as we were sitting in class, with nothing to do since our teacher hadn't showed up, she started asking everyone who they liked, all the boys rooted for the same three girls, and all the girls rooted for the same three boys. As always, I tried to keep my self away from that kind of conversations, but eventually she looked at me and asked me who I liked. I really don't know why, but it might have been a way to end the conversation in the fastest way, or maybe because I fell bad for her that every time that she asked a boy who they liked she was never mentioned, but I told her that I liked her.
As expected the conversation ended as fast as it could an an awkward silence arouse within the four walls of the class room. I was happy with the way things had evolved and no one tried to bring up that subject for a long time. In any case we turned out to be really good friends, and she is one of the few school mates I still talk with.
In any case, no one asked about my likes and dislikes regarding women for quite a long time.
Five years later I was at class (same class mates) and at that time I had a silver ankh on my neck, and I had it on my mouth when all of the sudden I cut myself with it, by accident obviously. Tat happened because the most gorgeous girl I had ever laid my eyes on walked through the hallway. She was a new student, a year younger than me. At that point in time I thought, that's it this is love, and all that crap that comes together with the first love. For the following two years I was completely in love with her, and was never able to tell her so. I was never one of the sportsmen of my class, quite the opposite, even though at that point in time I wasn't fat, my activities at school were the choir, art, physics, maths, literature, and so on; and let's be honest at that time women prefer the sport guys over the nerd ones (they always do) In any case, one thing or the other kept me from saying what I felt at that time, obviously she already knew since all my class mates used to that to piss me off, but I never told her. In any case, the thing is that for the following two years she was kind of my everything.
Finally I started the university, and my social group switched, and never saw her again, maybe in one or two parties, but not seeing her on a daily basis made me forget my love for her quite quickly. More than ten years have gone by since the last time I saw her, and thinking back, I never loved her, not a bit, I simply thought she was really gorgeous girl. How do I know this? I'm married now, and the feelings I have for my wife are a universe apart from the ones I had for her or any one else before.
This takes me to the subject I was trying to address: love.
Love is feeling that must be worked on, it takes time and effort, is not something magical that appears one day and might be gone the next one, the phrase some people use "the love was over" is a really stupid comment, the love is not over, the strength to work on that love is over, the strength to oversee the defect of your couple, the strength to be with her whenever the thing go to hell. Love doesn't mean flower fields rainbows and butterflies (that would actually be hell for me, but that's me) Love is a work, that requires all the effort in the world. Eventually you will be willing to sacrifice everything for that love, even your own life.
So to whoever tires to tell me that love is a great feeling that might come and go, I tell you go to hell.
If you are one of that kind of person that whenever is mad at your couple, stops answering to the "I love you" comment, than you should go back and analyze your feelings.

In any case, now that we have established that love is a pain in the ass, and no matter our age we'll always have issues with it, I ask you, what wold be of us if there was no love?

Think of it an whenever I feel like writing again I'll give you my opinion.

Small

2011-01-03T10:20:00.000-03:00

The day I met you I was amazed by your beauty.
The day I kissed you for the first time I felt like flying.
The day I asked you to marry me I was on the stars.
The day we got married was the happiest day of my life.
Every morning when I look into your eyes i feel....
everything again.

Explaining

2010-10-26T10:11:00.000-03:00

Before all I would like to thank the anonymous that left a response to my previous post, but even though I'm thankful for the words of compassion there is something that you missed, or probably misinterpreted.
I'm 28, male, and married; if for some reason I write as if I were a 16 year old kid with suffering from depression it's just a small story through which I'm trying to make a point. I know that the depression can be considered a sickness if there is no real reason for it, and there are medications for it. The emo kids are just another urban tribe that try to make their place in the world by showing who knows what, sadness? sadness for what I ask my self. I really don't understand them.
If you ask me if there was a time in my life when I thought about suicide, the answer would be yes, I have no problem admitting it. Almost 15 years ago I was going through an emotional crisis, classic teenage crisis, first love lost, and all that crap, back then I thought that there could be no greater sorrow than that and that I would never be able to over come it, but guess what, I was wrong.
Looking back now from where I stand I can almost lough at that situations, I remember a friend telling me, the best solution for a broken heart, is some Heavy Metal, so we started going to some concerts. Loud music, people jumping, hitting each other and an occasional police run once the show was over. A couple of months later I had forgotten all the pain and suffering that that lady had caused me, and I was ready to move on.
The thing is, suicide is never the answer, but in case that you are really thinking about suicide, go seek professional help. And if you are not even considering the idea, stop acting as if you were as. That's what bothers me about emo kids, they act suicidal, but have no intention on doing so.
It's more than obvious at this point that I had forgotten what I was originally going to write about (this happens to me a lot) but in any case, I'm going to try and explain why all my writing end in some kind of death. or start with a death.
During all our life we wonder why we are here, what are we supposed to do, and don't bring me that "God's divine plan" shit because I don't buy it.
I do believe that on the final moments of our life we are faced to the ultimate truth, a moment of revelation. A point in which we see where we come from and where we go to. We are to return, sooner or later, to the universe itself, so when we are about to die we can finally see the universe itself, on a whole different level, not as a mere observer, but as an important and vital part of it.
So yes I do consider death as an important part in life, and I really appreciate it, and this is something most people don't do. Why do we enjoy life? why do we love, play, interact with other people? Because in the end we'll die.
If death was optional, then living would be pointless, why should I care what I do, why should I worry about anything if I can't die?
Death same as birth give meaning to our life, and we are what we are thanks to it, so there you are this is the idea I try to show through my stories.

Slow

2010-10-15T00:28:00.000-03:00

Today I had one of those eternal days at the office, the time felt as if it had decided to stop.
Anyway there was a reason for this post, but I'm unable to remember what it was, so here is a short storie, as always it will be an improvisation and no real thought will be placed into it... let's see what we can come out with.

I'm a 16 year old girl. I come from a loving famly in the suburbia outside one of the major cities in the country I live in. I was born and raised under the catholic creed. I never lacked anything, and have a preaty much acceptable body build. Nothing of this makes up to the feeling of loneliness I feel inside of me, in my soul, I feel alone, always sad and unmotivated. Nothing seems to chear me up, I go through the days as if it was just a dream, I feel I have no place in this world. The only moment I feel alive is when I feel pain, and that's why I cut myself.
I see my blood dripping from my leg, I see all the scars in my leg, and they appear to be unreal.
Every day the same routine, whenever I feel down I hide and cut myself and every day the relief I get from it reduces, I know some day this will meen nothing as well and I'll need to find something new.
Until then I'll continue to drift through life as I;ve been doing so far.
//Author Note - Fucking emos, why on earth am I writing this??? Let us make a quick drift on the speed of the text, that will impact on the speed you reed it.
Walking back home, drifting as always. a homeless asks me for a coin. I tell him no, and I move algong. I feel him walking behind me, closing in, each step I take. A strong hand grips me by the arm, and shoves me towards a wall. My clothes are being torn apart, my womanhood broke, my innocence lost. With closed eyes i star hitting and shouting, I know ther will be no answer.
I beel something cold in the floor at my side, I grab it, and smash it against my agressor. The attack ends, a heavy weight on my laps. I open my eyes, blood running through my legs, a body that doesn't move. With much effort I stand up and try to run.
I can't, everything hurts. I fall. Lights come towards me.... dont they see me? I raise my arm, knowing it's too late.

Done and done, the story is over.
I find it really hard not to kill my main characters, maybie some day one of them will survive to tell another sotry?

That will be all for the day so...... "good night, and good fight!"

Questionable Methods

2010-09-23T17:25:00.001-03:00

People always claimed that every now and then my methods were somewhat questionable, well, now, the BlackBerry SDK thinks the same.

I'm not entirely sure how I should feel about this, but, it's actually kind of neat to see how everyone and everything gets the same oppinion about me.

Something 2

2010-08-18T16:15:00.001-03:00

I woke up that morning, just like any other morning. Sunlight entered dimly into my room through the shutters, I had overslept, once again. Every single day I wonder why we are here, but every single day I'm left without an answer. I decided to take a shower, after all I was already late for work, so twemnty minutes more would create no difference.
More freshened up, I went for a cup of coffee, but realized there was none. I left home and headed towards my work. It was almost eleven when y got to destination, but as I entered the building no one showed any degree of surprise.
It had been long since the last time someone paid any kind of attention to me, or even my job. I went to my desk, and looked at my computer. My mind went blank. It was as if I was dreaming.
Screams. People fading. People dying. a flash of light. More screams.
I recovered my consciousness. my head against the keyboard. Punishing pain in my back, something worm dripping from my hands.
I was afraid to look up, but needed to. With eyes closed I stood up. The scene that my eyes captured as soon as they were open froze my blood.
Everybody was looking at me. My boss standing right beside me told me that we needed to talk. He took me into his office. Ten minutes later he was out of it, and out of the building. This was not a dream. This was real.
People screaming, running to safety. Others trying to stop me. Blood. Screams. broken glass. A flash of light. Falling. Finally free.
Freedom gave me answers. I see the floor pulling near. I see the end, but understand the beginning.

The end........

Something

2010-08-18T08:46:00.001-03:00

It was three in the morning. Complete darkness. Her family was sleeping peacefully. She couldn't conceal the sleep. A noise from below caught her attention. Was there someone else in the house?. Stepped out of her bead. Footsteps on the stairs. She backed, tried to wake her husband. No response, completely passed out on alcohol again.
Went into her bathroom, and covered herself on some dirty laundry. A noise on the bedroom, a silent scream, an incomplete attempt to breathe. In the darkness the door opened. A flash, a knife, cold steel. A moment of peace. Nothing.

What the fuck did you expected?
Really.

Anyway, I wasn't in the mood for some profound reflection, or some meaningless rant, I just wanted to have some fun so there you are.

Have a nice day, those of you who deserve to.

2010-08-17T09:13:00.001-03:00

She woke up, bruises on her back, scars on her chest, she could hardly move one arm. Got dressed, and went to prepare breakfast for the family. Her husband woke up 30 minutes later, gave her a look she knew far too well, ate without saying a word, and left for work. She went to wake up the kids, they got dressed, and left for school, without saying much. As soon as the door closed she fell on her knees and broke to cry.
Every morning the same routine, every day the same suffering. After a while she went to her bathroom, took a shower, and put on some make up.
An hour later she was at the shop where she worked, all radiant and smiling. Nobody ever wondered if there was something wrong, she was the perfect employee, always on hour, respectful with the customers, and always with a smile on her face.
But that was nothing but a masquerade, a month later she appeared dead by the side of a road, several broken bones, her clothes torn apart, and her face completely swollen.
She could have avoided all of this if she hadn't been so scared, if she hadn't hidden herself behind a facade.

Yes my good friends, domestic violence is a terrible issue in this world, and it happens in a constant basis all around the world, even though in some countries is not considered domestic violence, for the women are still considered inferior to men, so they can be submitted to physical violence without any restrains.
But there is another important issue here, and that's the society standards to which we have to stand for. Its been several decades now since the woman equality movements took a stand and fought for the rights of all of them, but still the domestic violence and similar situations are wrongly seen by the society, and the women are unable to come forward when they suffer this.
Let me make one thing clear, I'm a caucasian male, age between 21 and 45, so my previous speech has nothing to do with the feminist movement.
What I'm trying to say, by the means of an extreme example, is that the society in which we live on, imposes several standards that are wrong, and we should all try to make a difference. Domestic violence happens in the end because women are afraid to come forward about it, but they are afraid not only of their husbands, but also of the reaction the society will have towards once thy acknowledge this.
This can also be translated to several other examples, gay people not accepting their sexual preferences, men and woman not accepting their bodies, because they don't look as the ones in the cover of the magazines, and so on, there are so many examples that I could waste the following thousand words enumerating them.
Anyway, we all need to start accepting ourselves for what we are, for how we look as, and for our beliefs.
Yes, I'm white, I was raised in a God believing family, with an excellent education. Even still, I turned to atheism at the age of eight (or nine) and gradually found my way to Taoism at the age of 25. I'm a gamer and spend 3 or 4 hours a day playing games, and I really need it, its like a vice. I loose grip of my temper fairly easy, so I have to make a constant effort to hold on and not break down and beet the shit out of the first asshole that crosses my sight without any reason.
But I accept myself for what I am, and I'm not afraid to say it, if someone want's to make fun of my situation or criticize me, they can go fuck themselves, and you know why? because even all of this I got married, I have a job and I'm a productive member of this society.

So, to all of you that are afraid to accept any part of your being, I tell you, don't, just be the best you can, and if someone has any issue with the way you are or think, tough on them.

Ok, I believe that's all. hope it made some sense.

As always my good friends, wish you best be safe and be true to yourselves.

Brainstorming

2010-08-13T09:06:00.000-03:00

I was going to write about why, at least on spanish, when you say something to someone, they answer with a confirmation in shape of a question, like "yes?" and we immediately repeat what we had previously said.
But to make it simple, this is a way we have to make up conversation, a really easy way, its easier to answer "yes?" than, for example asking where he found out about it, or a confirmation for his story. anyway, I'm completely clueless about this, maybe I should talk with this to someone specialized in speech, and/or human behavior.
Anyway, since I couldn't make a clear idea about this I started thinking on how our brain works in ways we don't understand, for example, I remembered a quote, but not from whom, that goes something like this, "god is between the words".
Why on earth would my mind drift to that quote, when trying to understand a simple rhetorical question?
Anyway, if you pay attention to your mind you'll notice that it's in a constant brainstorming, throwing ideas from one side to another, making new ideas and trying to find answers to several questions at the same time, while not loosing too much focus on the constant input we receive from the surrounding world.
for example now, I'm typing at the speed of the music I'm listening to, while I try to arrange the ideas an find the best way to express them, meanwhile on another part of my mind there is a little tiny idea starting to make some noise, telling me I should go get a fork to eat the cake I brought to work.... mmmm cake.

Either way, trying to get back in track.
Its funny how we call brainstorming a specific activity, where we get all our ideas down on paper, when our brain is in a constant one.
Our brain could be easily compared to a thunder storm, in a "poetical" way I mean, where our brain are the clouds, with electricity going from one side to the other within it, and every once in a while, a lightning would appear shaking the earth, just like when an idea hits our mouth and out it goes. Working on this metaphor we could say that our common sense and logic work as lightning rods, that intercept the ideas that are never supposed to hit our mouth.
I know that what I just said goes against my belief that complete honesty is the best way to communicate, and that people should learn to accept what the others say, as the Taoism teaches us to, but I grew up in an American country, the influence we got from the eastern societies are almost minimal, even though I really appreciate their philosophy.
Well, looking back to what I just wrote I start to get the feeling a series of new ideas are starting to grow and take shape in my mind, hopefully one of those lightnings hits ground and a coherent meaningful idea is brought to this world. If not, well, more brainstorming for me.

A final comment: You shouldn't get offended by the words of others, its your choice to pay attention, or make a learning value out of them.

Have a great day, and I hope that what I just wrote had any meaning at all.

Improvising a speech

2010-08-12T09:30:00.001-03:00

Last night I received a phone call, some dude requesting my CV, and as we were talking I realized that I really hate to improvise a speech, when someone asks you something, that you are not expecting you have to improvise an answer.
Usually, even if it doesn't look like, I plan ahead almost everything I say or do, that's my way, I do it unconsciously now, when I'm asked something, before answering, I'll say "what?" just to give myself some time to prepare a correct answer, or to select the answer that better suites the situation.
Quick example, every night my wife goes to sleep relatively early (compared to me)and while she's in the bathroom, I launch a game or something, just to gain a few extra minutes of gaming later on, but every now and then she'll ask me something, for example, "did you call your doctor?" the obvious answer should be "no" but saying so would imply her to start ranting on how I don't take care of my health, and so on, turning a simple question to a larger discussion, because in the end I'll tell her that I didn't call because I had no time in the office. So instead of giving a fast and simple answer, I prefer to elaborate something, so when she asks me this the answer I'll give would be "nah, had no time, shitty day at the office".
Generating this answer consumes a quite larger amount of time than simply saying "no", so to prepare the answer I gain a few extra seconds by first answering "what?".
It might seem complicated, but once you get the idea it makes perfect sense. Here is this simple example in a more easy way to be understood.

she: "did you call your doctor for an appointment?"
me: "No"
//30 min discussion

or:
she: "did you call your doctor for an appointment?"
me: "what?" -One or two seconds pause- "nah, had no time to do so"
//End of conversation

I have this mechanism optimized for all the people I know and usually talk to, since everybody reacts differently to different kind of answers, and according to my current mood, if I want to talk or not, and so on.
But on a phone call when someone is evaluating your response speed, your conversation level and so on, because they're interested in offering you a job, you have no remedy but answering on the fly, the first and most polite thing that crosses your mind, that is, improvising a speech.

Anyway, I'm not interested in any job offers for now, I'm trying to get the best of my current situation, but still, for reasons that are more than obvious I had to listen to what they had to say.

Quick rant

2010-08-11T09:18:00.003-03:00

I was trying to write about something, but got my focus of attention shifted from one topic to another. As I tried to write this a manifestation of students just went though the street.
Come on you fucking piece of shitheads, you are on high school, what the fuck are you doing on the streets? go and study something!
I hate the fact that the manifestations have lost all kind of value in this country. Everybody for any reason may cut down a street to complain, just because they don't want to do what they are supposed to. How the fuck are we to be taken as a serious country when everybody is more willing to go on the streets and complain about their situation instead of working to resolve it? Even the government supports this attitude, by granting the complainers the ability to do so, they are generating a traffic chaos in a city that's already a disaster to drive through, come on, remove them from the streets!
Anyway, that said, a quick conclusion on this, I hat manifestations, i hate the current government, and I hate people that do things half the way, if you are to do something do it right or don't do it at all.
I can't seem to remember now what the hell I was supposed to write about, so this should be all..... for the time being.

South Africa 2010

2010-06-11T08:53:00.001-03:00

Ok, I really give shit for the football tournament, and all the euphoria surrounding it.
Once every four years is the same thing, all the world freezes for as long as the tournament lasts. No one talks about something that's not related to football.
There are some shitheads that are saying that they'll get naked if their country is champion. Come on people, is nothing more than a sport.
I wish they took the same interest in literature, arts, or any brain stimulating activity as they do on this stupid sport.

That's it. nothing more to say. Thank god for this space where one can rant freely.

random thought not much... sory for the delay :)

2009-01-06T22:20:00.000-02:00

Have you ever wondered what life could have been if you had taken different attitudes towards the different situations you faced during your life?
I know I have, but even though you can imagine as much as you want you will never know what could have happened. Let me give you a simple example that surely most of you have lived. Do you remember that first “true love” of yours? Do you remember how you felt every time you got the chance to see her face? (his face if you are a woman) Do you also remember how hard it was to talk to that person for you? I do remember that, and the feeling was a mixture between pleasure and pain, but I was never actually able to tell her how I felt, it happened the same with the following one, and even the third, but alas! Not with the sixth. Magically the shyness lock was removed and I was able to express all my feeling without any doubt (and seven years later got married, but that is my life).
Now I wonder, was it shyness really that kept me from talking what I believed I felt? Sure it felt like that back then, and yes at that point in time I would have loved to be able to say my mind, but looking at it now, no. I truly believe that things in life happen in random way, but we still know subconsciously if they are good or not for us. During our lives we are forced to take millions of decisions, and the way we react to them is what makes us what we are, but how we know how to react to different situations? Well, some people tell you listen to your heart, I say listen to no one, and act as you please, don’t even listen to yourself. People screw up things when place too much thinking into things. How much is 2+2, 6*6, what color is this background? All this are questions that most likely are able to give minimal thought. Do you love girlfriend/wife? What would you do for a thousand dollars? This are questions in which most people must stop and think, why? Yes, nothing. That are my answers quick, no thought in the middle, you must be thinking, yea right, everybody has a price, but you know what? That isn’t true, there are some of us that do things because we like to, not because we have money involved. Asking me if I love my wife is kind of a stupid question I love her to my guts and back, with every single molecule of my being. If you ever have to stop and think before giving an answer, well stop, and think again, there is something that is not right.
Where I’m trying to get with all this is to the point that you don’t need to wait for your heart to answer, all you need to do is answer the first thing that comes into your mind, and there you will have the answer you have been waiting for so long. I usually don’t give much thought to my words, that’s why I tend to sound aggressive, incoherent or whatever, I don’t double check my writings (only for errors on orthography) but nothing else. Yes this way of acting surely has given my tons of problems in the past (I have been implementing this and working on it for the past nine years, and still stop to think some things)(Note: this attitude is not recommended in your job if you plan on keeping it and having no problems) and will most likely give me more than one headache in the future, but that’s because people are afraid of hearing the simple truth, they prefer receiving a polished and polite version of what you think, but as I already talked about this on a previous post. In the end I prefer feeling fine with myself for being honest with my mind than having people like me because I’m polite.
Anyway I think that I went far away from what I was talking on the beginning; the point is that if you truly listen to yourself and put yourself back on those situations where you were too shy to talk you will see that probably your body was telling you not, for one reason or the other.
Let me give you a simple example, this girl I really liked during all my high school time is now married and has two kids, well the story may have ended in a different way if I had said something or even tried something, she might have never started dating her husband, and so on, and to be honest with you all I’m happy for them, and my best wishes to you both. Another example, this girl I met on my senior year at high school, she turned to be a little slut, so great once again. And so on with this examples. We could also place this on a work scenario, if I had just accepted the way they were toying me on my previous job I would have never quitted and got this job I have now where I got almost everything I wanted (referring to jobs that is).
I know this post was kind of chaotic, but what the fuck. If you don’t like it you weren’t forced to read it.
So to make kind of a round up: Even though things will happen in your life, the most important thing is that you are hones to yourself, and do not ever betray what your subconscious tells you for that is your body and mind talking together. There you will have all the answers you are looking. Whatever comes first to your mind is what your subconscious tell you, so trust yourself.

Enjoy my friends.

As a final note, to all the people that once were hurt by my actions or words, I’m sorry I was such an asshole, but hey, at least I’m a honest one.

We are created by chance
We met by chance
And fell in love by chance
If all is random
If nothing is written
How lucky of me
To have you by my side.

MD

2008-12-17T09:06:00.000-02:00

I´ve always wondered why people follow fashion so much, and is not only women, but also men. I don’t mean fashion like in clothes solely, I mean in all aspects. The tennis open is bound to begin, and suddenly everybody knows a lot about the sport to even comment about it. The same example can be applied to almost any sport that is televised. For example Basketball, here it was never a big buzz about it, but, all of the sudden there is a local guy playing in the USA basketball league, and now everybody watches all the matches, know the players and talk about it.
Other things that generate this reactions on people are clothes, internet, movies (I hated when the lord of the rings came out, and a bunch of assholes started talking about the story and the characters without ever reading the books, come on, the movies skipped lots of important information, but what the hell), or whatever can be shown in a massive way. And that brings me to the following comment, people are like sheep. If you are an able speaker, or have the opportunity to show yourself, or your product in a massive way, it just needs a known face to say, “I’ve tried this product, and now can’t stop using it” and before you know it whatever the fuck you were trying to promote will be in mouth of tons of people.
But now we finally get to what I wanted to make clear for a long time now, why should we call the people that follow trends so blindly, people? If I’m not entirely wrong, we are taught that the main difference between humans and the rest of the animals, is our intelligence, and to be fair and honest, been unable to read a book (except for Harry Potter, everybody read Harry Potter because it’s what fashion tells you to do), or the complete lack of imagination, or even worst, the extreme lack of intelligence they show whenever they try to speak, that all they can do is repeat something they have previously heard. If this is so, then no they shouldn’t be called people for they are not such thing, and so they fall in the animal category, but oh, what is this, we are also taught that animals do not follow any kind of trends for they mainly move by instinct, and so we have a ton of creatures that we daily see that can’t be placed in the Humans category, neither the normal animal one, and so I decided to call them Mindless Drones (MD for short) this should be a new category created for all this creatures that have no fucking clue on what is going on around them, and I’m sad to say that I believe that more than half of the “human” population fixes perfectly within this new category.
So to round up; don’t be a mindless drone, use your brain.

Note: sorry for not having post anything for some days now, but I’ve been on a rush on several aspects of my life.

Destiny

2008-12-12T19:37:00.000-02:00

What is destiny? Human kind has always wondered where are we going, what is the meaning of life, and what are we doing here. To be completely honest I don’t know, but one thing is sure, our paths are not written, put where we will end up is. Yes, I believe that the universe itself has a greatest purpose, as a living creature, and that it has a path of its own (Tao) but only the universe knows its own origin and ending point. Only when our human life has ended we will return to the Tao, and therefore gain all its knowledge.

On the other hand we could look at this from a catholic point of view, and so we could say that what destiny has for us is eternal life, in heaven or hell depending on the way we have lived our lives. Every religion has its own focus on what exists in the afterlife, and all should be accepted and respected in the same way. For some reason I do not understand, people always need to believe that there is something more after death.

But returning to our selected subject, during our lifetime we have no fixed course, no pre designed path, nothing, we take our own path on every decision we take. We could see our lives such as a river flow, and every decision we have to take is just a rock blocking our path, and we have to take a turn, therefore taking a decision and choosing a new direction in which to move until we find a new obstacle.

Now I wonder who placed those obstacles in our water path. Why are we forced to take decisions? Well the answer may not be clear or really reasonable, but let’s put it this way, in nature all things are placed by a series of random situations that finally caused, that for example a mountain side, shall have rocks, cliffs, small valleys, and so on. Under this scenario if we take a look at the effect the snow melting process we can see the water flowing down, finding its own path. Well if we compare our lives to that, we are nothing more than water finding its own path back to the sea, back to the Tao. So all possible events in our life are nothing more than a succession of random events, that cause us to take decisions, changing our path.

So what is destiny? Well, in the short term, destiny is nothing more than a big interrogation that has no clear answer. In the long term, our destiny is death on this life, and what comes next who knows, so if you die and come back, please tell me.

Changes

2008-12-12T08:57:00.000-02:00

I just became uncle; my wife's sister gave birth to a healthy girl, which shall be called Trinidad, as the conjunction of father, son and holy spirit.
This brings me some questions into mind, first, how would it feel to have a kid of my own, and second, why does so many people use biblical names for their sons.
The first question has no real answer, I'm going to wait some time before giving that answer. Trying to describe that kind of feeling must be like trying to explain how does sex feels (yes great is good qualifier but not enough) or to describe love, there are no words for it, the only way to know is by living it.
Regarding the second question I really don't get it, maybe it's because we are grown in a catholic way, or because all the society that surrounds us is catholic, or it may also be a fashion issue (I live in an occidental country). If it were for me my kids would be given names for the Greek letters (delta, nu, sigma...) but my wife also has a call on this issue, so when the time comes, we'll be facing a discussion.
The main point here is fatherhood, and what it means, nowadays youngsters do not comprehend the importance of bringing a kid to this world. Catholicism states that the spirit of a person is given by god, and that everybody has a predestinated soul because that's gods plan. Buddhism stares that a soul chooses its parents on earth through aura compatibility. Other believes, such as in Taoism, say that a person life is nothing more than part of the Tao that has split from it (and therefore it does not have the full knowledge that the Tao has) that sooner or later will find its way back to its course, adding it's gained knowledge to the Tao.
In any case this still does not answer the question in how important and delicate matter fatherhood is. Think of it this way, no matter your believes or religion, your acts will inflict on the eternal soul/knowledge of your kids. This is why we should be really careful when having a kid, and this takes me to a brand new subject, sex.
Sex, sex is for me one of the great pleasures in life, and I’m most certain that all animals enjoy it. But I’m not going to take that line of thought, but instead, I’m going to talk about sex in humans (let us not go into different sexual deviations, that may be discussed in other moment) let's talk about plain good old sex between a man and a woman.
We are taught to believe that sex must be the carnal reflection of the feelings we have for the other person. Well, here we have a little issue, I do believe this, but not in the way that sex is a representation of love, but sex is a way to express how much we are physically attracted to the other. Also we are taught that sex should be done with someone you care for, and must be done in a responsible way, therefore some may think sex is a representation of love.
I also agree that it should be done in a responsible manner, but the question is why. I believe this because since the natural result of sex is a kid, because of this we should look after our own interests, what it would be better for the offspring, and what is really useful for the Tao.
Let's take a closer look to this three points.
First, the offspring, one should meditate if he's ready to bring a creature to this world, and provide it with, at least, basic needs (food, a home, etc). Also its education and I don't mean school, I mean education at a human level, or do you want your kids to be mindless drones, TV watchers with no capacity of reasoning by their own? And finally love, I believe that a kid needs to feel love from his parents towards him, but also between them, and this is a requirement, to show the kid that human relationships are important.
What about the universe, and its path (Tao), well if we believe that sooner or later the soul of the offspring will be returning to the Tao, for its gained knowledge, what would be the knowledge of a mindless drone? None I say, and therefore the universe has no interest in that creature, therefore ignoring it.
Finally, one’s interests, one must take consciousness that a kid means a radical change in the way of life, and how we manage our resources (time, money, etc) it also means that you would have someone to take care for, and that’s not an easy task.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that a kid is something important, and since our way of reproduction is by sex, we should also take sex with great care (even though it’s one of our greatest pleasures) but using protection never killed anybody, so, unless you are really ready to have a kid of your own, use a freaking condom.

That’s it, my line of thought was interrupted three times while writing, and that’s why the sudden changes in the concatenation of ideas.

Commitment

2008-12-09T23:57:00.000-02:00

“Welcome, let me show you around” – This were the first words I heard on my first day at work, from then onwards the rest of the day was full of introductions, learning procedures, and how the company worked. Finally the working day was over and sooner than I expected the same happened to the week. I had promised myself to ask my girlfriend to marry me as soon as I got a decent job, as as that happened I bought a ring and was ready for the big question.
Friday night was the perfect moment, we went out to our favourite restaurant, and as soon as the waiter took our order, I placed the ring within it’s box on the table and told her -“this is yours, only if you say yes.” – I never really heard her answer she was crying with tears of joy, and my heart was pumping so hard that all my senses had gone numb.
Six years went by from that moment, and we are one happy couple waiting for our second son. I love her and would do anything for her.

This my good friends is commitment, but not the type of commitment that would make you happiest person on earth. This person was committed to his job, and to his family, and yes he fulfilled his obligations and fulfilled his oath of marriage, but we never heard about his true believes.
I have always admired true vegetarians (even though I think they are crazy) as well as I admire anyone that has a belief and defends it no matter what the odds are. I remember having a math teacher, vegetarian 100% she wouldn’t even take a bite of something remotely near an animal. She was completely out of her mind, but the way she defended her point of view made it irrefutable, and yes by logic she wasn’t supposed to eat meat, mil, eggs, or anything from an animal origin.(note, she was skin, bones and a brain nothing more)

So returning to my line of thought, commitment as we know it is when you accept something and fulfill whatever task is required for it. But here is the dilemma, what happens when human values, like respect, love or passion, start to die and nobody feels love for no one or nothing, what happens when respect for others is completely worthless, or when passion for what you do is no longer a burning fire but a vague trail of ashes, of what once was?
Let me tell you what happens, we get a group of people completely incapable of getting any kind of commitment to anything or anyone. That’s what happens and that is what’s happening to our world. The young kids have no values, and therefore are unable of getting a commitment, that’s why they jump from straight to gay, and back to straight. They go out as much as possible, and thy get in the sack with whoever is available. They continue with this life until they are 35, and a woman knocks at their door with a baby in arms saying “here take care of your kid” (or the other way round for women, the go on like this until they get knocked, and then is when the real dilemma starts)
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that commitment is not going every day to work, or being faithful to your girlfriend/wife (or boyfriend/husband). Commitment is feeling, or believing in something or someone, and give as much as you can for that.

I’m committed to my wife, I would do anything for her.

Speech

2008-12-09T00:19:00.000-02:00

There are many ways to say things, some may be more polite, others may be more direct, others more colorful, others more pale. But in the end is just ways to express how we feel, and how we perceive the world around us, words are our way to express our own reality.

What would happen, let’s say, for example in Cuba, if someone was to stood up in the middle of a plaza and started shouting things against Fidel Castro? Not many have tried that and most certainly, the ones that tried are now dead, or in jail, for talking against the government, the same thing is happening in Venezuela, with the asshole of Chavez (if you are in favour of this piece of human scum, please shut down this page and never dare to return). This is something that happened through time in many countries, and most certainly will continue to happen (sorry to say that).

So, to continue with my thoughts, what is the difference between what i previously stated, with not being able to say something in a public space for fear of being accused of for example discrimination?

Maybe I’m not making myself entirely clear. Has it ever happened to you, that you had something to say, and couldn’t because you feared being left aside from the conversation, or for fear of hurting someones feelings?

People in this era is only capable of receiving a criticism if you do it in a polite way. If for example someone said “what a disgusting smell you have!” the receiver most certainly will feel offended for the “cruelty” of the words. But if he had been told “dude, you should take a shower...” the receiver wouldn’t feel so bad about his situation.

Well, the same thing happens in every aspect, we are forced to tell people what we feel, but paraphrasing it so it doesn’t sound so cruel.

People are not allowed to say what they feel, believe or see without “proper” control. What I’m trying to say is that matter how “free” the country you live on is, you will always have to face the censure society itself imposes upon the people. We are not granted free speech, because free speech can hurt people. And I’m not talking about the Internet, This is a completely different space, and anybody can type anything down, and still walk away uncensored. I meant speech, with words, in a real conversation (i have already said mi mind about communication) people are not allowed this, and therefore we are forced to keep our sight of reality for ourselves.

The world is full of colours and feelings, and we all see the world in a different way, but we are not allowed to share our view of the world with others, for some people might get hurt.

I propose you the following, go to someone, anyone, and touch whatever yow have near (a table for example) and try to express the way you feel the table, and then let the other person do the sane, you will notice that your perception of the table might be similar, but one will notice things the other didn’t, and the other way back. The same thing happens with people and situations, we all perceive things in a different way, and we should learn to hear the point of view of others without complaint.

Making a long story short; say your mind whenever you feel like, and nobody should criticize you. This is free speech.

Addictions

2008-12-06T00:18:00.000-02:00

Addictions are a dependency on something such as a substance or behaviour, (drugs, gambling) We have all heard about drug addictions (drug addict) or a alcoholic, gambler and even workaholic.

But what about the new addictions. People only talk about addiction to video games, and how it turns people violent. Well let me tell you something, I’ve played video games for at least twenty years now, and yes, every single night I stay up, after my wife has gone to sleep, to play for a while. But has that turned me a violent person? No. Even more, games get me relaxed for they let me do stuff that in real life I can’t (or at least shouldn’t) All this cases of crazy ass holes that kill a cab driver and try to run away (trying to emulate GTA) or the ones that go into a high school with a semiautomatic gun and kill all of their class mates at cold blood, they do share a common pattern, they play video games, and mainly violent video games, but have you ever wondered why? Because it’s the only kind of entertainment they can have, together with TV. They have grown up watching crappy series such as Power rangers (a group of brain dead people running through a town in tights, fighting monsters – who was ever so drugged to imagine such a thing?) and they are completely unable to use their brains, so all thy do is play video games. In my case for example I grew up watching little TV, reading quite a lot, and playing with playmobiles. As I became older I changed toys for electronic toys, but I keep playing for the same reason I played when I was young, to relax and have fun. The problem with youth now a days, are not video games, but the lack of brain exercise. I can’t believe that a 7 year old kid would try to hit a grown up with a stick as a sword, and kicking, and that is TV’s influence, and the lack of controls from the parents.

I woun’t go any further in the video games subject, I define myself as a gamer (a person that loves to play video games) but I’m kind of special breed amongst them, for I’m also a programmer (independent), an administrator(at work), a writer and a painter(as hobby, you are the judges of my writings). For this reason I’ll go no further in this subject.

What I really wanted to talk was about a different addiction, one that everybody sees but prefers to hide, for they call it a need. What I’m talking about, is the need to be constantly “communicated”. Everybody has a cell phone (even some eight year old kids), and an MSN account or gmail or Skype, and so on; or even more, they have more than one of this things. (in my case I’ve got a cell phone, MSN, gmail, Skype, and I believe there is a yahoo account, but can’t recall the user correctly)

The other day I was waiting for the charter that would take me home, and I had to wait for almost 20 minutes, in that time I saw, around 50 faces walking with no phones, or smokes or nothing, at least 48 different people walking with the cell phone on their hands, either sending text messages, or talking, 28 smokers from which approximately 10 where on the phone, 15 more drinking coke or something similar. The point I stopped looking was a kid (he was 22 at most) talking by the phone with a bluetooth device, a smoke in one hand, a Pepsi on the other (for some reason it was diet) and chewing gum. He had every king of vice he could have (without taking into account that he looked as an androgynous).

What I’m trying to say that what we call now a days “communication” is instead the lack of such. Yes you may talk on the phone or via chat with someone, but is it really the same reading “LOL” than hearing a friend lough? Is it the same to receive an angry face in your chat window, than to have someone looking at you angry? Can we really call communication to something that has no feelings? Something as cold as a chat window? I consider that no, we can’t. Every day at work I send my wife a message saying “i love you, take care, kisses” but you know what, that is nothing more than typed down words, they are cold and empty. I also kiss her goodbye at the door of the building in which she works, and that kiss is worth a million words, and that’s communication.

The whole society is addicted to a behavioural pattern, to close your doors and windows, talk with no one, see no one, but say you have 200 friends, for they all signed you on facebook. We are killing human interaction.

To round up. We are addicted to use phones and any kind of text messages to say things, why? Because it’s easier, as in any drug, it’s used to escape from reality, and that is what we do with messengers, we avoid real human contact.

Why we do this is a question to be answered some other time.

Schizophrenia

2008-12-04T00:08:00.000-02:00

I looked left, nothing. Right,nothing. The streets are empty. Not a soul. I'm hungry. Haven't eat in two days. Head speening. I'm alone. Must get food for my cat. Noise of a fence. It's open.I head towards the main door. Using force to open it. Careful with noises. We're inside. Kitchen on sight. Fridge opened. We grab some stuff. Put it in my backpack. A noise upstairs. There we go. Three doors. Main door, a couple sleeping. Second door, a bathroom. Third door. A kid sleeping. A noise. First door two dead bodies without their heads. Second door. Three heads. Third door. A burning room. We go down the stairs. Outside the house. Fire pouring through the windows. We walk. I looked left, nothing. Right,nothing. The streets are empty. Not a soul. I'm hungry. Haven't eat in two days. Head speening. I'm alone.

I know this may mean absolutely nothing to you, but trust me when I say, it should. How many peple were telling the story? Well, as I see it we can't quantify the number of different "characters" there are, for there is only one soul, but many voices. And he actually belives this voices are other people and not a part of himself.

Once again, things are not always as they seem to be on first sight. He was one and many at the same time.

Did you knew that when you look at a painting, only the firs second, or miliseconds, can't recall it now, your brain sees things it will never see again? Well, once you think you have seen everything, look again, and you'll find new things, but never the once you saw at first glance.

I really don't know how to round up my thoughts this time. So i'm going to say one thing only, pay attention to your instincts, for they may tell you something you'll never be able to see, but don't let them cloud your mind.

Taboo

2008-12-03T00:38:00.000-02:00

The other day i was thinking on how much the taboo subjects had changed through time, there was a time you could’t say there was only one god, for you would have been killed for it, or saying that the earth wasn’t flat, or even worse, that it wasn’t the center of the universe.
Many years later, you weren’t supposed to talk about sex, or drugs. I would be completely unimaginable to have shown a nude body. “Oh my god, how can someone be SO obscene” and maybe it was a woman wearing a bikini; we look back at it and we find this amusing. But what the hell.

One again many years later (not so many this time) we find ourselves in modern society. As a note, yes, I’m from an occidental society, so my point of view is way different from the, let’s say as an example, Iran, or the India, or China, or even Japan. (some other day I’ll be writing about that, but now it’s not the right moment).

So, returning to my line of thought, once again many years went by, and now you have naked women protesting on streets, you go to a news paper stand and there you have tons of different magazines with boobs and asses popping out of every cover. Even more, open google, and type “porn”, I got an approximate of 247.000.000 hits.

So I ask my self, is sex, and sexuality, and the human body a taboo topic? Hell no.

On the other hand we’ve got some topics that every day turn to be of less popular, and I’m fearing that on some point in time they would turn into a taboo, and people talking about them would be criticised. Simple topics, honest ones.

Let me put it this way, how long has it been since you read a book, and talked about it with a friend, or how many of your friends had come to you and told you, “I just read a really good book, here have it, I know you’ll enjoy it”. With the exception of a few people I know (thank god for those people) the newer the generation the less they read, my wife for example, she is completely unable to read from a book, and she’s 29.

Let me give you another example of a subject that’s turning into a prohibited topic: Love.

How long has it been since you talked about your real feelings with someone (other than your couple or your psychologist). Even more, have you ever talked about your true feelings to a friend, or has a friend ever came to you to talk about his? How long has it been since you were able to say the things you felt for people without the fear of being tagged as gay, weak, pussy, or any other similar name?
Is this not a way of turning a subject into taboo? We stopped talking about that because we don;t want to be discriminated, be left aside or tagged by society.

Yes, I consider that feelings are slowly turning into a taboo subject. Now a days you’ve got all this poor little creatures, that we dare consider as young people, showing themselves on foto blogs, or videos on youtube, or stuff like that. Can someone please explain me what the fuck are the basic lines of thought of a flogger? Even more, can someone give me a better description for the term flogger other than: androgynous creature with no brains at all, that tends to show himself in large groups, because it’s unable to be an individual. My feeling towards the floggeres: GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

There, I’ve got it out of my system. So it’s time for a closing statement:

Go read a book, and recommend it to a friend. And don’t let the important things in life be left aside

Someone once said books are the gate to an incredible land, all you have to do is open it.

The books I recommend:
Magician Master (Raymond E. Fiest)
Tao Te Kin (Lao Tze)
The Art of War (Sun Tzu)
Othello (William Shakespeare)
And anything form the Marqués de Sade, Poe, Agatha Christie, Tolkien.

Take a deep breath

2008-12-02T00:13:00.000-02:00

I woke up that morning, and i knew something was bound to change. I walked down the stairs, to my lovely wife, kissed her and sat down to have some breakfast. For some reason I wasn’t hungry, so I just took a cup of coffee, smoked a cigarette, kissed my wife again and left for work.

I took the same road every single day, and would have been able to drive all the way blind sighted if it wasn’t for the other cars. Once again, for some reason this day was different, didn’t understood the difference, but decided to take other road. I reached the parking lot exactly 36 minutes later than usual, so the spot i usually used was already taken. I used to hate having to park the car somewhere else than my usual spot, but that day I didn’t even noticed it.

The office i worked at was located at the top floor of a twelve stories building, and we had access to the roof. I left my stuff at my desk, and went to the coffee machine. After grabbing my second coffee of the day I went to the rooftop to have a smoke, but the access door was closed, so, since i couldn’t be left without my smoke, I went all the way down to ground level and had my smoke on the street. After doing so I returned to my working spot. Sat down and logged on to my computer, and started with my normal office routine.

Finally near mid day the roof top access door was opened, and i was able to get out, for a smoke. As i was lying against a wall, relaxing i started to think on how wonderful it was to be free, and soon I realized that I was trapped; I wasn’t free, i was a prisoner, a slave of my own routine.

So, i walked towards the edge of the rooftop, took a deep breath, and all of the sudden I was free.

The end.

Now, what do you understand of this, what happened to our main character? Take a while and think about it. (take at least 2 minutes, once you have a concrete answer we’ll continue)

Ok, most of you answered He jumped, and now he’s telling the story from the after life.

Well, the answer is, that you are wrong, but not entirely, he did jumped, but not from the rooftop, he jumped in his brain, he realized there was much more out there in the world for him than just a mere routine, he had a family, he had a job, but he enjoyed nothing, not even his smokes, or his coffee.

When he realized this he was free.

Basically, what I’m trying to say here is, be free, be free to think, say and do whatever you desire. There is no need to be in prison to have no freedom.

Freedom is just a state of mind, a point in which you accept yourself the way you are, not tied down under the conventionalism of society, or restrictions placed on you by your surroundings (work, family, etc) In the end all that is chosen by us.

I plan to live for ever, how? By being free. Time is nothing more than another way of controlling ourselves, such as our bodies.

Find a rooftop, or a spot where you can breath well, take a deep breath, with all your lungs, and realize there is more out there than what your eyes can see.

Be free my friends, and you shall live for ever.

Something to start with:

2008-11-30T02:21:00.001-02:00

There is no heaven,
There is no hell,
We create both,
From love,
From hate.

The sounds of joy
Reach my ears,
As beautiful melodies,
They heal my wounds

The sound of pain
Reach my ears,
As a slashing whip,
They keep my memory

There was a time in my life as I grew up that I honestly believed in heaven and hell, and god and the creation of the world, and all that... (I was about to type catholic crap, but somebody could get offended and that’s no the idea, or at least not for the time being)

I was going to say what i think about heaven and hell but that is a passage for further on. Before going on that subject I have to explain my perception on the world, and life as such.

So to star with one of them: Life.

Life is nothing more than a learning process in which you should acquire as much as possible, so on death we may feed the universe with our gained knowledge (yes, if you have some knowledge on Taoism, you can quickly understand what I’m saying, if not I recommend you to read the Tao Te Kin)
What do i mean by saying “acquire as much as possible” exactly that, not material things, the universe does not care about that. Not even knowledge that has come from other people, that you may have gained by reading a book or something. A real acquisition is whatever you produce by the use of your own mind. Whatever is that you create, a poem, a painting, music, or even a piece of code for a program is fruit of your mind, and that is what really matters, even though for the rest of the world to see what you have created, you have to translate it from your mind to the world, by the necessary means, but it started in your mind, and there it shall remain for ever.

Maybe I was’t clear enough, what I’m trying to say is:

Think, use reason, and that will make you meaningful for the universe.

Thanks for reading, if you have any doubts, please comment, and I shall answer asap.

Introduction:

2008-11-30T01:29:00.000-02:00

Hi, welcome to my own point of reflection. On this lines I’m going to be writing about love, hate, sex, creation of the world, or any other subject that crosses my mind. Let’s make one thing clear from the beginning, my mind does not work in a very normal way, so many times my reflections will be kind of messy, or sound ridiculous, or may seem as nonsense, but I’ll always try to make a good point, and summarize it at the end. On the other hand every once in a while instead of a reflection I’ll be posting a short story or a poem, who knows.

Let’s hope I can do this on a regular basis, i’ll try to make it daily.

Enjoy!