Let me try to explain something, I was born and raised in a god believing family, but for some reason I now don't remember I lost my faith long ago. I'm an atheist, with Taoist tendencies in his philosophy. I'm a gamer, and a mobile developer. I'm a writing enthusiast, and a library rat. I'm all this things, but above all I'm a person. A single individual with his own creed.
In any case I was watching t.v. and the subject of faith, god and all that came up on an open forum show I was watching; yes, I actually do enjoy debates on television, when there is nothing better to watch.
In any case, there was this priest, from one of the branches of the catholic church, and on the other side of the table there was this dude that called himself a naturalist or something like that, I don't remember. In any case, the catholic side is self explanatory, the other one was that caught my attention.
Basically he believed that nature had created everything and everyone, so obviously I thought to my self - ok, so he's an evolutionist - but no, there was a tweak in his plot, he described the nature as a living thing, with a consciousness of her own.
That's when I realized all the debate was a waste of time. They both believed that they had been created by something/someone else, the only difference was the given name, God, or Nature.
After that, I watched another ten minutes, and switched the TV off.
And now I'm here, 3:07 am, trying to write something down, studying the fact that I might have consumed coffee in excess.
In any case, I felt like writing, so here we go.
I woke up, my back hurt, my hands still shaking, sweat covered my face, and blood my robes. My sword, safely covered still dripped red tears from the night before.
I can remember every single blow, every single stab. I remember all the faces the way they looked as I used my sword to open a path through the crowd.
I'm not a soldier. I'm not a warrior. I was a normal person. But I'm that person no more. They had taken from me the only thing I had ever cared for, so I was taking their lives.
I looked for them, it took time, more than expected, but it worth it. I finally found the four that had taken her away from me, and after some clever manipulations was able to get them all four together in the same room.
Killing them was easy, they presented no rel threat, but there was an error in my plan. I forgot they had friends, and they had also come along.
As soon as I opened the door I saw more than thirty thugs, willing to kill me. Luckily only two had guns, but after a couple of shots they seemed to realise that shooting me would get them nowhere, but killing their own, in the turmoil.
My sword kept busy as they started to fall. I got stabbed twice, but the strength to keep going came to me from who knows where.
The fight seemed eternal, but after a while the could started to open up, and I left the premises without complaining.
I woke up today, still thirsty for revenge but satisfied with the trail of blood I had left behind.
I'm no avenger, I'm no hero. I'm just a normal person, that lost everything.
So there it is, another short story.
So with nothing more to say, I'll go to bed. the final lines were written with my eyes closed.
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
Inaxo
When I was a little kid, I created this microscopic creatures that I claimed lived in my brain, I named them Inaxo, so today instead of writing love/depressing poetry or a murder/death story, I'm going to write about this little creatures, that actually have a fantastic story behind them.
Please do have in mind that this is story is based on one I created when I was sever or eight, so it might be a bit unbelievable.
Before I start to tell the story, let me try to explain what an Inaxo looks like. They are basically stick figures, they are created as a single line, nothing more, as they grow in knowledge, and age, a new line is added to their body. This new line is added with its center at the end of an existing one, with any angle, so basically they are something as the image below.
In a time before time, in a place nowhere in the universe, but in the center of them all, a civilisation existed, The Inaxos lived there, a race of creatures with minimal physical body but with an incredible energy and power. All of their civilisation could fit in the size of a bottle cap, and there were millions of them.
They lived in peace and prosperity, in perfect harmony with the universe that existed at that time. The great Inaxo, ruler of them all was the wisest, and oldest, and was a benevolent ruler, and all of the them could live dedicating their lives to the acquisition of knowledge.
They had no need for a currency exchange, therefore had no money, as they rose in knowledge they were able to get further and better things; for example, a young one that had just left the house of his creators, was to live in a small house, until he had gained enough knowledge. Then, and only then he was given a larger one.
The system worked great, and since their body had almost no physical components, the decay level was minimal. That, joined with the knowledge of good preservation of the mater, granted them almost eternal life.
Of course they were individuals, so some of them strives for knowledge, while other preferred to keep a basic level, so they could enjoy their life doing whatever they wanted.
Basically it was an ideal society.
It all changed when, for unknown reasons, one Inaxo was created with an energy signature different firm all the others, as he grew, the brightest of the inaxos tried to understand why his energy was so different, but were unable to get this knowledge. This specific Inaxo searched for knowledge, far beyond than any other one, even greater than the one the Great Inaxo had.
After a long time, he was just one level behind the great one, his knowledge had grown far beyond than expected, but his energy signature was even more different than when he was created, wherever he went he caused all the other shake in fear for his energy was now clearly dark.
None of the Inaxos know what was the final piece of knowledge that this dark one acquired, all they know is that, the moment he acquired it, he exploded, his physical body collapse and then expanded. This explosion created a chain reaction in the bottle cap sized world / universe, that collapsed and exploded. This is what we humans call the Big Bang.
The destruction of their civilisation scattered energy and matter all through what we now call our universe. The surviving Inaxos traveled through space for eons, in all directions.
The civilisation that inhabits my brain claims that they are now one of a couple of millions living in this planet, inside peoples brains, but hope some day be able to reunite with all the other colonies scattered through all the universe.
---------
So, that is basically an introduction to the Inaxos, and their story, and the creation of the universe, if you wish to believe it. Also, now that you know about their existence they might reveal themselves to you if they are in your brain. They have their ways, trust me.
Some other day I'll tell further stories about them.
Best regards to you all.
Please do have in mind that this is story is based on one I created when I was sever or eight, so it might be a bit unbelievable.
Before I start to tell the story, let me try to explain what an Inaxo looks like. They are basically stick figures, they are created as a single line, nothing more, as they grow in knowledge, and age, a new line is added to their body. This new line is added with its center at the end of an existing one, with any angle, so basically they are something as the image below.
In a time before time, in a place nowhere in the universe, but in the center of them all, a civilisation existed, The Inaxos lived there, a race of creatures with minimal physical body but with an incredible energy and power. All of their civilisation could fit in the size of a bottle cap, and there were millions of them.
They lived in peace and prosperity, in perfect harmony with the universe that existed at that time. The great Inaxo, ruler of them all was the wisest, and oldest, and was a benevolent ruler, and all of the them could live dedicating their lives to the acquisition of knowledge.
They had no need for a currency exchange, therefore had no money, as they rose in knowledge they were able to get further and better things; for example, a young one that had just left the house of his creators, was to live in a small house, until he had gained enough knowledge. Then, and only then he was given a larger one.
The system worked great, and since their body had almost no physical components, the decay level was minimal. That, joined with the knowledge of good preservation of the mater, granted them almost eternal life.
Of course they were individuals, so some of them strives for knowledge, while other preferred to keep a basic level, so they could enjoy their life doing whatever they wanted.
Basically it was an ideal society.
It all changed when, for unknown reasons, one Inaxo was created with an energy signature different firm all the others, as he grew, the brightest of the inaxos tried to understand why his energy was so different, but were unable to get this knowledge. This specific Inaxo searched for knowledge, far beyond than any other one, even greater than the one the Great Inaxo had.
After a long time, he was just one level behind the great one, his knowledge had grown far beyond than expected, but his energy signature was even more different than when he was created, wherever he went he caused all the other shake in fear for his energy was now clearly dark.
None of the Inaxos know what was the final piece of knowledge that this dark one acquired, all they know is that, the moment he acquired it, he exploded, his physical body collapse and then expanded. This explosion created a chain reaction in the bottle cap sized world / universe, that collapsed and exploded. This is what we humans call the Big Bang.
The destruction of their civilisation scattered energy and matter all through what we now call our universe. The surviving Inaxos traveled through space for eons, in all directions.
The civilisation that inhabits my brain claims that they are now one of a couple of millions living in this planet, inside peoples brains, but hope some day be able to reunite with all the other colonies scattered through all the universe.
---------
So, that is basically an introduction to the Inaxos, and their story, and the creation of the universe, if you wish to believe it. Also, now that you know about their existence they might reveal themselves to you if they are in your brain. They have their ways, trust me.
Some other day I'll tell further stories about them.
Best regards to you all.
Tuesday, 4 June 2013
Pissed off
Today I'm not sad, at least not in the conventional way.
I don't feel like making any kind of deep thinking, or anything like it, so I'll just go ahead and try write something.
It was a normal day in my normal life, keeping to myself interacting with no one, looking at no one, I must have been 16more or less. The bell rang and the worst time in the day was about to start, sports. I always hated sports in school. All the big jogs showing off, all of us nerds keeping to ourselves. Even though I was a nerd I was huge for my age, and had an incredible force in my arms and hands, but never showed off, because I was no jog, besides, I was forced to use glasses, so any sport that required coordination and sight, I would fail before starting.
The worst part of sports class was the changing room. There was this prick, that used to bug me, until my temper was lost. I usually tried to avoid getting in fights, but every now and then I was unable to control myself.
This particular day was no different. As class ended, we were getting back into our uniforms, and this dude came along with a small tube filled with water, and spit it all over me.
And my temper was gone.
My consciousness was gone.
The next thing I remember is washing my hands on a bathroom, blood all over the sink. I checked for bruises, or any kind off lacerations, but there was none to be found, at that point I realised, that the blood I was washing off my hands wasn't mine,
I finished cleaning myself and went out. My head still spinning, and the sun hurting my eyes, I saw all of my classmates surrounding the bathroom door, and the rugby teacher in front of them all.
I looked around and saw the little shithead that spitted water on me with a bandage in his neck, still shacking in fear.
-What the hell is wrong with you?-The coach shouted, and all my classmates kept their angry faces
-I told him not to bug me, but I really don't remember what happened-
-you don't? I cant believe that- he sounded sure of himself but after a brief pause started to tell me what had happened - As soon as he spitted on you, you jumped off your bench grabbed him by the throat, lifted him in the air and started choking him. At the same time your nails slashed through his skin, and he started bleeding.- He looked at the kid in bandage, then looked back at me - The only way I was able to make you release him was by hitting you with a plank in your back-
-Now I understand the pain in my back- I said, with no real emotion over what had happened, I rose my head and addressed everyone there - I told you all, more than once, don't break my fucking balls, I won't take it, but above all I can't take it. I already told you, if my concentration, my focus is lost, my consciousness goes away, and I will attack as an animal-
I took a step forward, and everyone backed up a step -Now I hope you have learnt your lesson, do not bug me. Let me be.- As I started walking, the crowd opened up and I was able to walk away without anybody getting even near me.
For the following year, people avoided me, and always kept their distance, and I promised myself never to train my arms again, to avoid that event from repeating itself.
And that should be it for our story of the day
Now, even though this might see as another fantasy story, you can see that nobody died, that's because, this is no fantasy, this really happened. I have this attacks where I loose control and there are really few things that can stop me. Luckily I haven't had one of this episodes in a pretty long time; I'm posting this story is because I feel I'm loosing control, I actually feel close to one of this bursts of rage, and I'm trying as hell to control it.
So with no further thing to say write or do, I'm going to call this a night, and head to bed.
Ah, yes, one final thing, go check out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWYB-yWmF44
amazing song by a Mexican band, listen to the lyrics It's really good. as well as the musical composition.
I don't feel like making any kind of deep thinking, or anything like it, so I'll just go ahead and try write something.
It was a normal day in my normal life, keeping to myself interacting with no one, looking at no one, I must have been 16more or less. The bell rang and the worst time in the day was about to start, sports. I always hated sports in school. All the big jogs showing off, all of us nerds keeping to ourselves. Even though I was a nerd I was huge for my age, and had an incredible force in my arms and hands, but never showed off, because I was no jog, besides, I was forced to use glasses, so any sport that required coordination and sight, I would fail before starting.
The worst part of sports class was the changing room. There was this prick, that used to bug me, until my temper was lost. I usually tried to avoid getting in fights, but every now and then I was unable to control myself.
This particular day was no different. As class ended, we were getting back into our uniforms, and this dude came along with a small tube filled with water, and spit it all over me.
And my temper was gone.
My consciousness was gone.
The next thing I remember is washing my hands on a bathroom, blood all over the sink. I checked for bruises, or any kind off lacerations, but there was none to be found, at that point I realised, that the blood I was washing off my hands wasn't mine,
I finished cleaning myself and went out. My head still spinning, and the sun hurting my eyes, I saw all of my classmates surrounding the bathroom door, and the rugby teacher in front of them all.
I looked around and saw the little shithead that spitted water on me with a bandage in his neck, still shacking in fear.
-What the hell is wrong with you?-The coach shouted, and all my classmates kept their angry faces
-I told him not to bug me, but I really don't remember what happened-
-you don't? I cant believe that- he sounded sure of himself but after a brief pause started to tell me what had happened - As soon as he spitted on you, you jumped off your bench grabbed him by the throat, lifted him in the air and started choking him. At the same time your nails slashed through his skin, and he started bleeding.- He looked at the kid in bandage, then looked back at me - The only way I was able to make you release him was by hitting you with a plank in your back-
-Now I understand the pain in my back- I said, with no real emotion over what had happened, I rose my head and addressed everyone there - I told you all, more than once, don't break my fucking balls, I won't take it, but above all I can't take it. I already told you, if my concentration, my focus is lost, my consciousness goes away, and I will attack as an animal-
I took a step forward, and everyone backed up a step -Now I hope you have learnt your lesson, do not bug me. Let me be.- As I started walking, the crowd opened up and I was able to walk away without anybody getting even near me.
For the following year, people avoided me, and always kept their distance, and I promised myself never to train my arms again, to avoid that event from repeating itself.
And that should be it for our story of the day
Now, even though this might see as another fantasy story, you can see that nobody died, that's because, this is no fantasy, this really happened. I have this attacks where I loose control and there are really few things that can stop me. Luckily I haven't had one of this episodes in a pretty long time; I'm posting this story is because I feel I'm loosing control, I actually feel close to one of this bursts of rage, and I'm trying as hell to control it.
So with no further thing to say write or do, I'm going to call this a night, and head to bed.
Ah, yes, one final thing, go check out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWYB-yWmF44
amazing song by a Mexican band, listen to the lyrics It's really good. as well as the musical composition.
Sunday, 2 June 2013
Not much
I had been thinking hard on what to write down, there are a million things I'll like to say, but don't know how, or maybe I do know, but unwilling to say them.
In any case there is a small thing to learn from this situation, I always tried to have everything under control, but lately I'm unable to do so, and that freaks me out.
So, once again I'll try to express my feelings in a short story, or poem or whatever it is I usually write.
I woke up that morning with no worries in my head, but how had you been. You had disappeared in thin air, and I was unable to find you. As I walked down the hallways, none of my issues for the day made any sense, but I was hoping to see you at every corner.
The day went by, and I never saw you, never heard of you, and as the sun hided under the horizon I knew that I was never seeing you again.
I sat at the balcony, gazing at the sunset, and as the light faded, so did my life.
I don't know what happened.
I don't known why.
The next morning I was no more, and you never knew.
I left a note, a declaration of hope, written in dreams, signed with desired, addressed to no one but for everyone.
Hope is the last thing you'll loose, before you loose your life.
Hope you are doing fine.
So, that was it. I really don't know what that was.
It seems I need help to organise my writing a bit. It's inconsistent and usually makes no sense.
In any case, that is what came up to my mind.
I guess that would be all for now.
In any case there is a small thing to learn from this situation, I always tried to have everything under control, but lately I'm unable to do so, and that freaks me out.
So, once again I'll try to express my feelings in a short story, or poem or whatever it is I usually write.
I woke up that morning with no worries in my head, but how had you been. You had disappeared in thin air, and I was unable to find you. As I walked down the hallways, none of my issues for the day made any sense, but I was hoping to see you at every corner.
The day went by, and I never saw you, never heard of you, and as the sun hided under the horizon I knew that I was never seeing you again.
I sat at the balcony, gazing at the sunset, and as the light faded, so did my life.
I don't know what happened.
I don't known why.
The next morning I was no more, and you never knew.
I left a note, a declaration of hope, written in dreams, signed with desired, addressed to no one but for everyone.
Hope is the last thing you'll loose, before you loose your life.
Hope you are doing fine.
So, that was it. I really don't know what that was.
It seems I need help to organise my writing a bit. It's inconsistent and usually makes no sense.
In any case, that is what came up to my mind.
I guess that would be all for now.
Where
Last time we talked, yo seemed fine, but there must have been something I said or do, that made you mad, so now I'm sad.
In any case, sorry for being an asshole, if I was in any way, didn't mean to hurt you.
Anyway, my overall mood is starting to improve, slightly, but improves, and now a drinking contest with myself will start. My record, one bottle of vodka and one of wine, in less than 6hs. I'm not much of a heavy drinker, but do enjoy an occasional shot of something.
I always considered drinking alone one of the worst things I could do, but, once again, I don't like people, so I'll drink, and my cats will be by my side as I do.
I do love my cats. They are loyal, they are good friends, caring, and have a strong personality on their own. One, the smallest of them three, is trying to show her disapproval with the current situation by simply knocking down all the trash cans in the house. The oldest one, is currently in a stage where she ignores me mostly, and keeps to herself, looking me only to ask for food. The one in the middle has always been the most indifferent of them, but lately spends a great deal of time on my lap. He's actually quite fat, so having him there feels like a stove burning your groin after a while.
In any case, I don't feel like writing a short story, but I know it helps me control my emotions, so, here goes nothing.
There was a time,
when I was happy
There was a time,
when nothing mattered.
It seems so distant
It seems so different.
I guess it wasn't me
Or at least not myself
One day I'll die,
and my memories left behind.
my loves lost
and my beliefs gone.
What are we
I wonder myself
but simple drops
in the river of the universe
One day I'll die,
and be born again.
I only hope to see you once more.
So there, I wrote that, liked it? neither did I, don't worry.
As I was writing that down, I remembered one thing I wanted to say. On a previous post I said I wasn't suicidal. I'm currently not, but sure as hell I once was. Maybe I always lacked the courage to do it, or maybe, I was never really suicidal, but sure I wasn't a show off. I never took enough pills to get me to the hospital, so people would notice me.
Once, many years back, attempted to cut my wrists with a knife.
Instead of doing that, I decided to go out with a group of people I actually hated, and mostly still do, which were my class mates. I drank like hell and provoked a fight, until this one fellow, with which I always had issues, decided to break a plate on my face. I remembered I started to laugh as blood poured from all the cuts I got. It was a good fight. I returned the plate favour with a glass to his head, and left.
I still have the scars on my face, barely visible in normal sight, but if my beard starts to grow, there is a point where all the scars are fully visible, since no hair grows.
Funny story. True story.
In any case, I'm not suicidal, and far to old to go on a fight. Also I'm much less stronger now, I guess, than what I was back then, but that's a story for some other time.
In any case, my good friends. Enjoy thy lives. If you feel like fighting, do so. If you are suicidal, go join a class of some martial art, or full contact. That will get you all the pain and suffering you require. I know it did for me.
As a final comment. My wrist still hurts.
Ah, by the way, as I wrote this more than half of the bottle is gone, so it seems I'm keeping a good pace.
In any case, sorry for being an asshole, if I was in any way, didn't mean to hurt you.
Anyway, my overall mood is starting to improve, slightly, but improves, and now a drinking contest with myself will start. My record, one bottle of vodka and one of wine, in less than 6hs. I'm not much of a heavy drinker, but do enjoy an occasional shot of something.
I always considered drinking alone one of the worst things I could do, but, once again, I don't like people, so I'll drink, and my cats will be by my side as I do.
I do love my cats. They are loyal, they are good friends, caring, and have a strong personality on their own. One, the smallest of them three, is trying to show her disapproval with the current situation by simply knocking down all the trash cans in the house. The oldest one, is currently in a stage where she ignores me mostly, and keeps to herself, looking me only to ask for food. The one in the middle has always been the most indifferent of them, but lately spends a great deal of time on my lap. He's actually quite fat, so having him there feels like a stove burning your groin after a while.
In any case, I don't feel like writing a short story, but I know it helps me control my emotions, so, here goes nothing.
There was a time,
when I was happy
There was a time,
when nothing mattered.
It seems so distant
It seems so different.
I guess it wasn't me
Or at least not myself
One day I'll die,
and my memories left behind.
my loves lost
and my beliefs gone.
What are we
I wonder myself
but simple drops
in the river of the universe
One day I'll die,
and be born again.
I only hope to see you once more.
So there, I wrote that, liked it? neither did I, don't worry.
As I was writing that down, I remembered one thing I wanted to say. On a previous post I said I wasn't suicidal. I'm currently not, but sure as hell I once was. Maybe I always lacked the courage to do it, or maybe, I was never really suicidal, but sure I wasn't a show off. I never took enough pills to get me to the hospital, so people would notice me.
Once, many years back, attempted to cut my wrists with a knife.
Instead of doing that, I decided to go out with a group of people I actually hated, and mostly still do, which were my class mates. I drank like hell and provoked a fight, until this one fellow, with which I always had issues, decided to break a plate on my face. I remembered I started to laugh as blood poured from all the cuts I got. It was a good fight. I returned the plate favour with a glass to his head, and left.
I still have the scars on my face, barely visible in normal sight, but if my beard starts to grow, there is a point where all the scars are fully visible, since no hair grows.
Funny story. True story.
In any case, I'm not suicidal, and far to old to go on a fight. Also I'm much less stronger now, I guess, than what I was back then, but that's a story for some other time.
In any case, my good friends. Enjoy thy lives. If you feel like fighting, do so. If you are suicidal, go join a class of some martial art, or full contact. That will get you all the pain and suffering you require. I know it did for me.
As a final comment. My wrist still hurts.
Ah, by the way, as I wrote this more than half of the bottle is gone, so it seems I'm keeping a good pace.
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