My Wrist

Well, I think I broke my wrist.

As I try to write it hurts like hell so I think some ice and bondage will help me through the night, and if tomorrow the pain prevails, a visit to the hospital should bring new light to this. In any case, a friend of mine is not answering my messages, so that adds to the general depression I'm going through.

In any case my mood is still a really crappy one, as expected, so without further ado, I'll improvise a short story, or poem, or something. One thing is sure, someone will die in this story, let's title it My Wrist


As I looked round the office, everybody with their faces sucked by the glow of the screens, only the sounds of keyboards, and mouse clicks could be heard, not even a fly in the room to distract us from our work.
My right wrist started to hurt, maybe the swapping between keyboard, mouse, cellphone was finally starting to pass a bill on my body, in any case, decided to ignore it.
After a while I stood up and went towards the kitchen in hopes for a peace of cloth and some ice, when I got intercepted by my boss. "Hey, get over here" in his usual voice like if he was trying to be cool while everybody knew he was an ass hole.
I entered the office and sat down in the floor, as usual. I don't like pulling chairs, so if there are no empty ones, the floor is my place.
-Look we've got an issue-he said as he sat down back at his desk - Your performance lately has been going to hell, you are no longer a productive member of this crew.
I gave him a gloom look from under my cap, and with no emotion or intent, a single sound came out of me -So?- he looked at me in silence. after thirty seconds of perfect silence I stood up -Wait I'm not finished-he said while he grabbed my arm.
-Please let go- I said in a monotonous tone -You had something else to say, go ahead and spit it out-
I really don't remember what happened next. I know he said something stupid about me, and one of my team members, all I know is that I grabbed a letter opener from his desk and put it to my wrist.
My hand was shaking and all I could hear was my breath and my heart pumping.
I remember he looked at me, and his mouth moved.
I pulled the cutter away from my wrist, right into his throat. He looked with glossy eyes, dying eyes.
I grabbed him by the shoulders and walked towards the window.
Twenty five stories, one hell of a fall, or jump, in any case we were both going down.
I remember watching him go faster than me, and as I saw his body get splattered all through the streets I finally understood.
Not what he said, I couldn't care less about that.
I finally understood my life.

The most important thing in life can't be bought.
The most important thing in life can't be taught.
if you want it.
You'll have to discover it.


It's not about what you have,
with who you are with
or how you look.

For me it was freedom.
Freedom in you mind.Freedom in your heart.


Freedom,
To let you go and be happy for you.
To make my choice for someone new.
To be who I want to be.

Freedom to be free....





And remember my friends, I do not plan to kill myself, so please don't worry about me, If I die it would be a fucking accident, or a stroke, whichever comes first, so don't worry, and with my life style a stroke has all the numbers for the lottery.

I won't go anywhere until I see you, at least one more time.


Peace, Love, Hate and Anger my friends.

Enjoy thy lives.

Depressing me

So far every time I wrote something down I was mostly in an acceptable mood. Well that kind of changed, due to certain unhappy events in my life lately I'm unable to feel happy. Before you wonder, no nobody died, so please don't feel sorry for anyone.

I'm still uncertain on what the universe has in reserve for me, but so far, everything that looked so fucking good, is starting to fade out. All the good things in my life are going away, or avoiding me. So this is my escape route.

I had all this dreams and ambitions, hopes and desires, but I feel them leaving my body, leaving my mind.
The empty space they leave behind is being filled with rage and agony, desperation and pain.

I wonder, why the fuck do we have emotions after all, I was a pretty happy creature with all my feelings bagged and sealed inside mu mind, but nooooooo something had to come up to let my feelings free. At that time I felt lucky that someone was there to help me with the process, but now I'm regretting it.

There must be a way to put everything back inside, close the door and make sure never again under any circumstance they are let free again.
Who would want a moment of joy, if it comes by the hand of sadness, pain or suffering? it's ridiculous, absurd, and illogical.

So, for the following months I'll try to recover my mental balance, I'll focus in work, and every day I'll try to put a new feeling in the bag. Sooner or later all feelings will be gone, and all that I'll have is a memory  of times long lived.

I guess that if my psychologist, or one of my few friends, read this they would actually try to kill me.
Well, good luck with that shitheads!!!

So, here is something I wrote the other day, that would explain better my current state of mind:



As I move down the street
The empty sounds of the night reach my mind.
Dim Lights,
Stranded cats
Running dogs
Everything is peaceful
Everything is at ease
I walk with no worries
music in my ears
All of the sudden my chest feels warm
My head feels cold
I put my hand to my throat,
Blood spurs like a hazer
I fall to the floor and my sight starts to fade.
I feel light headed, the world starts to spin.
I feel cold, but feel no pain.
No pain.
Finally no pain.
The sharp end of a knife is one of the last things I see.
As my consciousness fades a single image comes to my mind
An image of you.
Now I feel pain.
Pain again.
Maybe on the next life.
Maybe on another time.
This was not my run.
not my best life.
Hope is all I have
Hope to make it better next time.
And after all,
a final breath,
a final beat.

And it all starts over again....