Do you remember your first love? that impossible love that you were never able to confess? that love that kept you up endless nights? you sure do, we all do, no matter how much time passes on.
How much time has passed since then?
Look at that love, and think of it, was it really love? or just a juvenile crush?
My story is something like this. Somewhere around seventeen years back, this girl started attending the school I went to, she wasn't the kind of girl that caught your attention, by far (for that age I mean, I'm not a fucking pedophile) One day as we were sitting in class, with nothing to do since our teacher hadn't showed up, she started asking everyone who they liked, all the boys rooted for the same three girls, and all the girls rooted for the same three boys. As always, I tried to keep my self away from that kind of conversations, but eventually she looked at me and asked me who I liked. I really don't know why, but it might have been a way to end the conversation in the fastest way, or maybe because I fell bad for her that every time that she asked a boy who they liked she was never mentioned, but I told her that I liked her.
As expected the conversation ended as fast as it could an an awkward silence arouse within the four walls of the class room. I was happy with the way things had evolved and no one tried to bring up that subject for a long time. In any case we turned out to be really good friends, and she is one of the few school mates I still talk with.
In any case, no one asked about my likes and dislikes regarding women for quite a long time.
Five years later I was at class (same class mates) and at that time I had a silver ankh on my neck, and I had it on my mouth when all of the sudden I cut myself with it, by accident obviously. Tat happened because the most gorgeous girl I had ever laid my eyes on walked through the hallway. She was a new student, a year younger than me. At that point in time I thought, that's it this is love, and all that crap that comes together with the first love. For the following two years I was completely in love with her, and was never able to tell her so. I was never one of the sportsmen of my class, quite the opposite, even though at that point in time I wasn't fat, my activities at school were the choir, art, physics, maths, literature, and so on; and let's be honest at that time women prefer the sport guys over the nerd ones (they always do) In any case, one thing or the other kept me from saying what I felt at that time, obviously she already knew since all my class mates used to that to piss me off, but I never told her. In any case, the thing is that for the following two years she was kind of my everything.
Finally I started the university, and my social group switched, and never saw her again, maybe in one or two parties, but not seeing her on a daily basis made me forget my love for her quite quickly. More than ten years have gone by since the last time I saw her, and thinking back, I never loved her, not a bit, I simply thought she was really gorgeous girl. How do I know this? I'm married now, and the feelings I have for my wife are a universe apart from the ones I had for her or any one else before.
This takes me to the subject I was trying to address: love.
Love is feeling that must be worked on, it takes time and effort, is not something magical that appears one day and might be gone the next one, the phrase some people use "the love was over" is a really stupid comment, the love is not over, the strength to work on that love is over, the strength to oversee the defect of your couple, the strength to be with her whenever the thing go to hell. Love doesn't mean flower fields rainbows and butterflies (that would actually be hell for me, but that's me) Love is a work, that requires all the effort in the world. Eventually you will be willing to sacrifice everything for that love, even your own life.
So to whoever tires to tell me that love is a great feeling that might come and go, I tell you go to hell.
If you are one of that kind of person that whenever is mad at your couple, stops answering to the "I love you" comment, than you should go back and analyze your feelings.
In any case, now that we have established that love is a pain in the ass, and no matter our age we'll always have issues with it, I ask you, what wold be of us if there was no love?
Think of it an whenever I feel like writing again I'll give you my opinion.
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